EVER WONDER ....

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? !

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff? !

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?


In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

1. On Sears’s hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
[Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair]

2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside".
[Evidently, the shoplifter special]

3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
[And that would be how...?]

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
[But it's *just* a suggestion]

5. On a bottle of WaWa Iced Tea: "For Iced tea, just add ice."
[You'd think we'd know at least that much . . .]

6. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down".
[Oops, too late!]

7. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating.
[As sure as night follows the day . . . . .]

8. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
[But wouldn't this save even more time?]

9. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
[We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.]

10. On Tylonal Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
[One would hope]

11. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
[As opposed to what?]

12. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use".
[I got to admit, I'm curious].

13. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts".
[NEWS FLASH]

14. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts."
[Step 3: Fly Delta]

15. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
[I don't blame the company. I do blame parents for this one!]

16. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
[Was there a chance of this happening somewhere? Good grief]